No Off Season...for dads

There's another adult in my house now.  A couple of days ago, there were only two, my wife and I.  Now there's been a third added. You guessed it:  my oldest son turned 18.  He's officially an adult.  Wow.  Our lives are about to change. There's so much that is now involved in this scenario.  He's an adult now.  That means responsibility.  That wretched word.  Responsibility.  Don't get me wrong:  this young man is relatively responsible for his age.  He's a great provider and model for his brother (in most cases).  He's working.  He took the initiative to get his driver's license.  And he's cooki...well we're still working on that.  He can make a mean bowl of cereal though! Responsibility.  The transition between being a teenager to an adult is huge, but should be more of a gentle transition.  Todd Kestin, a licensed social worker, wrote in the Huffington Post. Basing a point from the boo...

I would go to the basement to wash clothes and often smell this weird odor, like something had been burning, but could never figure out what it was.  Each time I used the washer I would smell it.  I thought it was the dryer.  Well, that wasn't it. My son went to go wash clothes and noticed that the washer stopped working in the middle of the cycle.  I went down to see and saw the plug had COMPLETELY burned out in the socket, underneath some fabric. Praise God it didn't spark and cause damage to the house.  So my next thought was, 'How am I going to fix this?' The youngest screwing in the washer panel. I took a picture of the serial number, called Sears, put in an order for a new power cord, and waited for the arrival.  I'm not too sure why I thought I could put in a new power cord.  I've never done that before.  I figured I better figure it out; the laundromat was getting expensive. I got some great advice from a friend at church. ...

It was a violently cold night.   I parked about a block away in Adams Morgan and briskly walked to Bourbon, a restaurant/ bar that specializes in (you guessed it), bourbons.  I was enjoying a birthday celebration with some incredible men that I've known for years.  All of us were fathers, some of young kids and some who are clearly in their twenties.  Since I arrived there last, I had to sit next to the door. People walked in and out, neglectfully leaving the door open.  Ummm, did they not realize that it was -216 degrees?!? I digress.  We talked about different things, such as football, whiskeys, and of coarse, our kids. It was inevitable.  As I mentioned, some of these fathers were already empty-nesters.  As the conversation continued, one of the men said something that completely stuck with me. Photo by Life Yomi "You have to parent for departure.", he said.  Profound.  I don't remember anything else from the night.  It w...

I have two sons, 16 and 12.   They truly keep my life moving.   As I have told many people (as well as those who personally know us), my house stays live, never a dull moment.   I can boldly say that since I have been married and with children, I have yet to be bored in over 18 years !   God knows how to make life to the fullest! Well, that brings me to this point.  A part of having an ever-exciting time in my home is due to talks.  You know…talks.  Yes, there are the talks about the birds and the bees.  But who are we really fooling, birds and the bees are really about sex!  Just say it…sex!  What I know of sex is often times completely different from what my boys know.  And it can be shocking about how much they know and how much they don’t know. Okay, we move on. Then there are other real talks.  Talks about life, chores, responsibility, girls, friendships, money, family, school, and the list goes on and on.  I...

"I like driving with one hand.", my son says as he drives for the fourth time in his life. How about this one: "I want to drive with my knees."  My son hasn't been behind the wheel a full hour in his life yet, and he's talking about driving with his knees?!? Where did he get that from? Where did he understand that driving with one hand was okay or using my phone while on 495 was cool?   In fact, where do most of the things that my children do get it from?  You guessed it... their mother!  I will not take responsibility for...okay, I'll stop.  Yes, they get their habits from me. I know I've written about this in the post to some extent, but I believe it's worth mentioning again.  Our kids watch us like a hawk although they might not be looking at us directly.  They see and hear your habits, including the good and often bad habits.  Understanding that they see me, I gotta figure out how I need to change for their betterment.   I rea...

Y ou remember that song by Rockwell?  "I always feel like somebody's watching me. And I have no privacy.",  as Michael Jackson adds his infamous, "Hee hee" in the background.  I know we have all had moments when you felt that eyes were on you.  You weren't sure who was looking at you or why, but they were.  No, this doesn't have to spook you out.  In fact, sometimes it good. I was recently at a party celebrating a milestone birthday.  The lounge scene was live and people were really excited.  The live reggae music, dancing, West Indian food, and people everywhere had set the stage for a very festive evening.  It was so much fun.  A relative of ours (we'll call him Joe for this purpose) was getting ready to leave.  He and his wife had a long journey back and had to get to work the next day.  I saw him and gave him proper respects as he was preparing to leave.  He later turns around in the midst of the loud band and sin...

As I write this we are experiencing Blizzard Jonas, the blizzard of 2016, in which we are expecting anywhere between 12-30 inches with wind gusts up to 65 mph.  Well, we found out that different agencies needed clothing and canned foods.  We had some in the house, so we traveled into DC before the road restrictions took place and receive a $972,463 fine to donate.  My youngest and I walked into Central Union Mission to donate.  As I filled out the donation receipt, an African American man walked in and asked for a free sandwich.  The attendant gave him one without any reservation.  When I really took notice of this man, he looked like all was stable.  He had on a long, black trench coat, was decently shaven, slacks, decent shoes, and a black bag with him.  He left out and I was struck with a 'wow' moment.  Here's why. The day before, I had on a very similar outfit.  I wore a long black trench coat with a black derby, khakis and carr...

I missed my flight.  I MISSED MY FLIGHT!😡 With unsuccessful standbies and an overnight airport stay, it turned out to be a major headache, but also a wonderful time of reflection. I was reminded that I can't do what I do as a man (father, leader, deacon, teacher, and whatever other 'titles' I have) without help and direction. I re-realized this watching airplanes. I sat in a terminal window with the morning sun beaming through (so I could warm up) watching planes prep for takeoff.  There was a lot happening for it to be a successful flight. There were trucks moving back and forth on the ground giving planes whatever they give them. I saw food trucks distributing food. There were trucks hauling luggage to and from the plane. What really got me thinking were the trucks that push the planes from the terminal to the strip. There was a long metal guiding pole that didn't bend or flex extending from the truck to the plane. And it guided the plane out. There were also grounds...

My wife & I had the h😳n😫r of taking my oldest and two friends to a week long summer camp in Pennsylvania. We were driving the Turnpike from the Boogie Down, New York after dropping my youngest to his grandmother's for a week. It felt like I had been driving all day; we drove from Maryland to Pennsylvania to pick up our youngest from camp. From there we drove  The Turnpike to New York to drop him off, saw family, got a pie (pizza) and then headed back on the Turnpike with its escalating tolls to Pennsylvania. I was pathetically busted after all the driving. The sun has gone down and we had to head back to PA. Did I say I was busted? Well, these three energetic boys ensured that I wouldn't go to sleep.  I'm flipping through stations trying to find some decent music that all of us could listen to. A song here and a song there popped up, but nothing consistent. Then my oldest says, "Dad, can I put on my music?" WARNING! DANGER! DANGER! WARNING ! Loud, blaring mu...

So he finally turned 16. A monumental age no doubt. There are so many lessons to be learned during this pivotal year, especially as we prep him for college. One of the first lessons that we need to teach is how to handle money. If you're reading this and you were in college, you can remember the hundreds of Visa & American Express offers you received before you made it to your dorm room. And don't forget the many banks luring you in trying to give you free checking.  So here's a sure fire way I believe you can prepare your child on how to handle money: by you handling it well yourself. This is also known as modeling. There was a PSA commercial in the late 80's or early 90's where a boy was smoking. The dad walks in and asks the boy where he learned to do that. The boy responded, "From you dad. I learned it by watching you."  I'm amazed at how much our children mimic the things we do.  So give them something positive to mimic.  I could write so much...

Have you ever been driving and you went into a daze?  Ever started to daydream as you see familiar sights?  This happened to me some days ago.   As usual, we had a fantastic time in New York visiting family and friends.  We were on our way back to Bowie, MD and just crossed over the George Washington Bridge heading south into New Jersey.  If you're familiar with that area, you know the Jersey Turnpike begins soon afterwards.  But there are a whole bunch of signs leading in a number of different directions.  I was in a fog after a long, but exciting day.  My wife was sitting in the front seat looking gorgeous and my two boys were in the back seat doing...who knows what they were doing.  Then out of the blue, my youngest said with conviction, "Daddy, you're on your way to Patterson."  Patterson was to the left and the Turnpike was to the right.  If we were to reach our destination in Bowie, MD, I would have needed to vear to...

I feel like I need to boast on my boys. It's nothing that I have done: it is all to the glory of God. But man, I'm extremely proud of them. My oldest son recently took his faith to another level and was baptized.  Again, I know it's nothing I've done, but it's to the glory of God.  And then I watched my youngest son serve  at his school function. He found joy in helping others. He has always had a very compassionate heart.  Again, I don't think there's anything that I haven't done, but to the glory of God.  They are maturing. They are growing up and growing up fast. They're starting to show that they have their own mind and conscience. I'm proud of them. What I need to make sure that I do is tell them how proud I am of them. And not just one time, but many times. Just some thoughts. I am N0S.

It was a beautiful day. We just left a friend's house celebrating their son's  high school graduation.We are in our Toyota Highlander heading home for the evening on 495. Cruising around 55 miles an hour, with no worries and no cares. Out of the blue, a huge deer runs in the middle of the highway and runs smack dab on the right side of the car. I did not see it until it was right there. It hit us so hard, we lost control of the car. We killed the deer instantly; I watched it slide on its side from the middle lane all the way over to the median.  I swerved to the left and I swerved to the right trying to regain control. At this moment God gave my wife a sense of calm and she told me, "Relax". We gained control and pulled over to the side of the road. The entire front right side was jacked up! The car was undrivable.  What's the point? I don't know if there is ever a moment in our life, especially in parenting, that I should get comfortable. In fact if life is c...

It was almost this time last year I wrote about how my boys would rather go outside, or play on the Wii, or sweep instead of reading a book.  Please, don't get me wrong.  They are highly intelligent kids who do very well in school.  They just believe (as probably do many other kids) that the summer is a time to chill.  Well, the books are back.  Due to higher grade levels, their books are becoming more complex in ideals, focusing on the author's purpose, allegories, and a whole bunch of other facets of literature that I don't need to get into now. Each day, I've challenged my boys to read.  They have to...and they don't want to.  It can be a challenge in the house. Well, I had this challenge yet again today.  My son had to read aloud to me.  He read in the most dismal voice imaginable, inducing thoughts of wanting to consume raw red onions and chase them with garlic cloves and prune juice. Then, brilliance came to mind. 'Dijon, why n...

Determination is a very powerful mind tool. It drives a person to do more than he even expects to do. Although the outcome may be positive or negative, the success is in knowing there was an attempt. Let's take my son for example. Everything about him is personally motivated. He's on a motor that is consistently turning, brewing up new ideas and concepts.  And he wants to see ALL of them happen.  He wanted to start his own business. Guess what he did? Start his own business.  He constantly asked me to allow him to cook breakfast and dinner.   Guess what he does now (sometimes)?  He cooks for not just himself, but sometimes the entire family.  Today, he wanted to go to the beach, even though it rained and rained and rained. Yet, you would never guess what he had the opportunity to do.  Yes he did. My son at the beach enjoying the waves that I should have been enjoying. Not everyone is like this. In fact, there are more people who have to be enc...

We've always wanted our home to be a place where our children can come to us with any and everything that's on their heart.  Well,  something must be going right. My son came to us today and said some things that were on his heart.  He mentioned that he felt I come down too hard on him when it comes to work ethic.  He also spoke of other things, such as how he compares to other students in his class and even race.  Although I wish we didn't have to have the conversation, I thought it was very insightful and productive.   We talked it through using Biblical principles, personal experiences, and expertise.  When all was said and done, my wife and I appreciated him so much for opening up and letting us know how he was feeling.   He's actually pretty good at doing that.  I could learn some lessons from him. I must remember that allowing them to talk and not shutting them down is so important.  It builds their esteem.  It allows th...

The dinner table is probably the most interesting place in our home.  Its definitely where the most action takes place.  It's where we get to know our boys and where they get to know us.  It's the hub of the home. Yet, this 'hub' is vibrant when everyone is there.  I cannot explain if I tried.  There are nights when there are just two of us.  Most of the time there are at least three of us together.  We talk about issues and enjoy each other's company.  Yet, when we're all there, it is all the way LIVE!!!!! The dinner table is so fun and full of life.  It's like everyone is internally excited to see each other.  There's laughter, joking, and some eating.  I want to make sure that continues.  I saw an article from the website WebMD entitled 'Family Dinners Are Important'  by Jeanie Lerche Davis stating 10 benefits of eating together.   Everyone eats healthier meals. Kids are less likely to become overweight...

I was taking out the trash this evening.  I went through the backyard, pulled out our disgustingly smelly garbage can and wheeled it to the front. Mosquitos were lighting me up because the air was so humid.  I walked back into the house and found my son very upset.  After asking why, he explained that there were kids in his camp class who would curse around him and at times, at him.   My bear claws are starting to protude. He explained that most students cursed in the camp; there was only a handful that he knew that wouldn't.  He is one that doesn't like profanity and just about anything that is unhealthy for the body or soul.  I can respect that.  I unfortunately had to explain that he should be alarmed and aware when he hears this type of language, but he shouldn't be freaked out.  I told him that I used to curse when younger (although I could never string together the right curse words-I always sounded crazy).  We hear profanity ever...

No Off Season...for dads: Get Money

Last year in March I wrote a post about the Pinewood Derby. It was a time of lessons, dejection, and tears. It was a life lesson, one to be remembered. But now it's 2014, and times, cars, and mind sets have changed. And for the better. The Pinewood Derby teaches perseverance. It teaches you how to make changes from your mistakes. It also teaches you that you must get up when you fall down. My son took a car, revised it, changed up a little bit of the shape and weights, added a fresh coat of paint and entered into the 2014 Pinewood Derby contest. As you can see, there was a lot more success.  Here's my reoccurring lesson: a loss is   SOOOO much different from a defeat. And it's soooo overrated! I can get up from a loss. The Miami Heat can bounce back from a loss. The Soviet hockey team can regroup from their loss to the Americans (they lost at the Sochi Olympics-- Go USA!). A defeat is a mindset. And my son was not defeated. I'm very proud of them. As well as that ...